Buddhism....What it means....to me, May Leigh

The past few days have been crazy hectic with work and my inability to not concentrate on one thing when I have a million to do. I've had a ton of meetings but that is all over now and it's on to my weekend with the majority of the world.
Last night I read a great deal about Buddhism, where it came from, what it means, what exactly it entails, very interesting to say the least.
I come from a family of Southern Baptists as my dad was a Pastor, one aunt in all her devoteness is a Church of Christ to the core, and the other aunt when she attends is an Assembly of God, even with all these 3 completely different religions they are all very very different from Buddhism and to even hear that I am researching it was like a sword to the heart. It was almost as if they were about to lose me, like my life was ending, 'you know they don't believe in God or afterlife' welllll technically they believe in a different kind of afterlife...being reborn based on your previous life's khamma. They do not necessarily not believe in the existence of a God, they do not spend all of their time reboutting it and how it just can't be true. From what I have researched and read so far this is what I have gotten out of Buddhism
They do not believe that a person should be and do good only for the soul purpose of going to a Heaven once they leave this Earth, they do not believe there should be a reason to be good or be a good person other than because that's simply who you are and where you are in this life.
Focusing on finding your own inner peace, enlightment, feeling at peace and whole with you. Focusing less on striving to do good to go to a better place one day and focuses on finding peace and tranquility and just being happy in the now and doing good because it generates good feelings and no longer feeling the need to have to worry about the afterlife.

Now more on where I come from real quick, when I was about 3 my dad a former pot smoker and alcoholic devoted his life to God while simultaneously pouring out his whiskey. Shortly after my dad began ministry college, to learn, we moved around a lot as a child, a lot. I remember more of the places we lived as I got on older but the younger years it's just a fog of memories I remember only from pictures I've seen. My dad and mom were the perfect pastor and wife, we were the perfect family, from the outside. We took in problem kids, we did what we could to better their life, this was never a problem until it was (I'll go into that later). Behind the scenes my parents were anything but, I'd hide my brother and sister in my room while ceramic plates slammed into the walls and shattered. Over the years my parents hated each other, to the core, it was obvious, they stayed together until my younger brother turned 18. Through the years I can't tell you how many times  my head was slammed into the wall by the hands of my father, the time it was slammed into the side of a truck at my cousins house the cops were called. I was legally allowed to move out of their house at 16 years of age. After that, over the next 2 years I was drug around the house by my hair twice while trying to collect my things or visit with my sister. The last time I tried to visit he drug be my hair, a friend came in interrupted he let go I got out and he pulled a gun and shot at the car as we sped off. Down the road a cop came by, I pressed charges for 2 years my dad was on probation and not allowed to have a firearm anywhere in his premise. This is just the stories with my dad, my mom was less physical and more verbal and emotionally abusing, she was controlling and vile. It was my sister who bled at her hands. My brother was the one who would take the gun out of my dad's hands when he was threatening to end his life. We all had it in very different ways. As we come to terms with these things that's happened it's our parents who are doing the bar hoping, drinking, smoking weed and claiming God said it was ok to help deal with the pain. At this point I questioned everything about my life, who I was, these two people raised me against everything they are doing (even though I did it all), but who was I if they weren't who they use to be.

I've rambled enough. I'll leave this as it is...for now